Lore and Field Manual

LUNAR SURFACE DIVISION

MANDATORY EMPLOYMENT AGREEMENT Employee Copy - Reading Time Deducted From Pay

Congratulations. Your application was the cheapest.

By signing below, you accept employment with the Lunar Surface Division (“the Division”) as a Junior Surface Hygiene Associate, Disposable Grade.

1. DURATION OF EMPLOYMENT

Your shift ends when the Moon is clean.

“The Moon” includes all visible surfaces, concealed surfaces, and surfaces management discovers after you finish.

2. EQUIPMENT

You will receive one toothbrush.

This constitutes a complete cleaning system. Requests for larger equipment will be recorded as a lack of ambition.

You will also receive the Division's Field Manual. Press H to read it at any time; on a controller, it is in the pause menu.

Reading the Field Manual is mandatory. Time spent reading it is unpaid.

Lost or damaged equipment will be deducted from your pay at its replacement cost, including delivery from Earth.

3. COMPENSATION

You may earn money by collecting lunar dust.

The Division does not guarantee that this money will exceed the cost of remaining employed.

Your enthusiasm is included in your salary and must be supplied continuously.

4. OXYGEN AND OTHER BENEFITS

Oxygen is provided under our optional Employee Breathing Plan.

By breathing, you automatically enroll.

Holding your breath does not cancel your subscription.

5. BREAKS

Employees may take one fifteen-minute break upon completion of their shift.

Bathroom visits must be brief, necessary, and emotionally neutral.

Staring at Earth counts as unauthorized remote working.

6. HEALTH AND SAFETY

Keep your helmet on.

You may scream internally occasionally, provided this does not interfere with communications.

All injuries must be reported before they occur. Unscheduled injuries constitute a procedural violation.

7. TEAMWORK

You are encouraged to assist your colleagues.

You are required to report colleagues who appear comfortable.

Any employee found enjoying themselves will be assigned sufficient additional duties to correct the issue.

8. OWNERSHIP

All collected dust belongs to the Division.

All discoveries belong to the Division.

Any footprints left during working hours belong to the Division.

Personal milestones achieved on company oxygen belong to the Division.

9. COMPLAINTS

Complaints must be submitted in person to Human Resources on Earth.

Travel is at the employee’s expense.

Leaving the Moon during your shift is prohibited.

10. RESIGNATION

You may resign by providing thirty Earth years’ written notice.

Notice begins once management acknowledges receipt.

Management is currently experiencing a high volume of correspondence.

11. RETURN TRANSPORT

Return transport is subject to availability, performance, and whether we remembered you were there.

A return ticket is not included in the meaning of “round-trip opportunity.”

12. CHANGES TO THIS AGREEMENT

The Division may change these terms at any time.

You agree to all future changes, including changes you would not have agreed to.

EMPLOYEE DECLARATION

By signing, I confirm that:

- I have read and understood this agreement, or have elected to become useful instead. - I am joining voluntarily. The locked airlock is unrelated. - I understand that “we’re a family” refers to obligations, not inheritance. - I accept that the Moon’s size was publicly available information.

Employee signature:

Date: First day of your remaining shift

Division signature: Not required. We wrote it.

[ SIGN & BEGIN SHIFT ] [ DECLINE & BEGIN SHIFT ]

Your wellbeing is statistically important.