Mining for Absolute Idiots
So simple, even a Thrunk could do it!
By Yoer Fulesh
Foreword
So, you want to be a miner? Great. Why the heck are you reading about it, then? Are you stupid? You think you need a book to learn how to mine?
Fine, I suppose if I can make some money off of writing this to afford better gear, I may as well. Beats dealing with more spiders, anyhow.
How to Mine
Alright, dummy, first things first: pick up a pickaxe! Yes, the thing that looks like the letter "T". It's a handle, usually a type of wood, attached to a metal pick that we miners use to break tough rocks and extract valuable ore from within.
If you can't afford a pickaxe, then you should probably have bought one instead of wasting your money on this book. Either way, you're here now, so you may as well keep reading.
Now all you need to do is find a big rock. Walk up to it, pretend it's someone you hate, like your ex-wife or that one cow that looked at you funny, and use that ferocity to raise the metal pick high above your head with both your hands.
I know it's heavy, but that's why you gotta put your all into it. Use that anger! Raise it up, up, up!
Now just let it fall! Let the weight of all the injustices in your sad life bring it down upon the rock like a Thrunk bearing down upon a grilled yabby sandwich, and cleave that rock in two!
Then just gaze at the destruction you just carved into the poor rock, and let your guilt for needing to read about this be assuaged by the promise of the money you can make from the minerals within.
That's it, that's mining. Stop reading this stupid book and get out there, you fool!
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